“Have you been brushing her teeth?” said the vet.
The uncle did a double take. “Um -”
Cuchulainn took Sugar off the table and cradled her. “Why on earth would we do that?”
“The plaque is really building up,” said the vet. “And if you don't brush -”
“Sugar is a happy girl!” said Cuchulainn. “Do you not think we would know if she required dental care?”
“Do people actually brush their dogs’ teeth?” said the uncle.
“She is a happy girl!” Cuchulainn repeated.
“Well, her mouth stinks,” said the vet.
“I will cut you open!” said Cuchulainn.
“Cuchulainn!” said the uncle.
“No! How dare this quack insult us!”
“I thought you said you were going to stop bringing him,” said the vet.
“Yes, well…” The uncle shrugged. “He's invested in her wellbeing.”
“I will slash you into offal for Sugar to devour!” said Cuchulainn. “Then we will see about her stinking breath.”
“Cuchulainn, can you wait outside?”
“Yes,” said the vet, “I think there's a ball out there for you to chase.”
Cuchulainn set Sugar back down on the table to choke the vet.
“Cuchulainn!” the uncle tried to pry him off.
“Die!”
“Oh my god!”
"Relish your final breaths, Doctor!"
Sugar barked. Cuchulainn hissed and released his stranglehold only to pummel the vet's face. He reached for his pocket knife and felt a sudden surge of electricity.
He was furious on the car ride home.
“I told you I was bringing it,” said the uncle.
“But to really use it on me!” said Cuchulainn. “Who's side are you on, Uncle?”
“You were about to stab the vet!”
“I was merely going to extract some teeth. They would have grown back.”
“No they wouldn't!” said the uncle. “It's not like when you did this to the kids at daycare.”
“You are an unflinching fuddy-duddy!”
“You better watch it!” the uncle laughed. “I'm still armed!”
“I cannot express myself with you around!” Cuchulainn whined. “Mayhaps I will find my own home! It is no good being tethered to a tyrant! Yes. Yes, I will be moving out.”
“Then who will brush Sugar’s teeth?”
“Damn it!”