“Uncle!” said Cuchulainn. “Cancel our dinner plans.”
The uncle looked up from his phone. “I didn’t make us any.”
“Well, I made us some pizzas. Tonight we feast.”
“You made pizza? Oh my god, the kitchen!”
“I made them at work,” said Cuchulainn, “you idiot.”
“You got a job?”
“Yes, on Friday. Do you ever listen to me?”
“I haven’t seen you all weekend!”
Cuchulainn presented his work. “Enjoy.”
“So, you’ve been working as a pizza-maker?”
“I am the best in town, Uncle. They offered me a raise within hours.”
“Excellent!” The uncle bit into a slice. “This is delicious!”
“Why thank you,” said Cuchulainn. “That is all I wish for. To see my work appreciated. It is not about the moneys.”
“That’s a great attitude.”
“It was an attitude my employer disagreed with.”
“‘Was’?”
“We had a falling out, Uncle. He forbade me to ride along with the deliveries, to enter the customers’ homes and see them eat.”
“What did you do?”
“I took the matter into my hands!” Cuchulainn shouted. “This afternoon I -”
“You what?”
“Well, I may have coerced my way into the car with an especially large order.”
“With an especially large weapon?” The uncle finished his slice. “Is this car in my driveway right now?”
“With my employer in the trunk,” said Cuchulainn, “yes.”
“Cuchulainn!”
“It is worth it to see you enjoy my creations. Now eat up, Uncle!”
“How can I eat when -”
“You need your strength. We have a business to run now.”
“Cuchulainn, let that man out of the trunk!”
“Two men," said Cuchulainn. “The driver gave me trouble as well.”
“Oh my god!”
“Has anyone called?”
“What?”
“Your phone,” said Cuchulainn. “Has anyone called? I posted your number around town. For customers.”
The doorbell rang.
“Did you give out our address?!” said the uncle.
“No,” said Cuchulainn. “I outsourced some other pizza. I cannot do everything myself, Uncle. I need a few hundred dollars, by the way.”
The uncle’s phone vibrated. He sniffed the air. “Is something burning?”
“I had some issues setting up the oven here. The fire department is on the way.”
“What oven?!”
“The pizza oven! Do you ever listen to me?”
“Cuchulainn!” The uncle left his phone vibrating and ran to the kitchen.
The doorbell rang again. The uncle screamed.
Cuchulainn answered the phone. “Bonjourno!”