Bran, the dog of Cuchulainn’s favourite comic-book hero, Finn MacCool, tragically died in this month’s issue. This, of course, devastated Cuchulainn and he had no choice but to reprimand the editor via email.
The librarian kindly assisted him in creating an email address. To his bewilderment, his own name was taken, so he settled on “cuchulainnfightmachine” and dictated his message for the librarian to type:
‘DEAR PIG,
How dare you let Bran die! Where is your home so I may strip you naked and hang you? And when I have ended you and adopted your kin I will assume your life’s work and correct Bran’s legacy. You are a butcher and a godless cad! ANSWER ME. I WILL FIND YOU. Yes, your blood will colour my spear. Bran lives in my righteous heart. I will not rest until he is resurrected as an angel.
Big fan,
Cuchulainn Fight Machine
(“You don’t have to sign off with your email address,” said the librarian.)
P.S. Death already knows your scent. Why resist?’
("Are you sure about this?")