“I know it’s stupid,” said Jean. “Sorry I’m rambling.”
“No,” said Dr. Wood. “This is important. You should tell him.”
“He’ll overreact. Or, worse, he won’t react at all.”
Dr. Wood raised a brow. “Why wouldn’t he react?”
“You don’t know Junior!” Jean laughed. “Last year I told him my grandmother was going into hospice and he said he needed to pick up blueberries for his morning smoothie.”
Dr. Wood laughed with her. “I’m sorry! That’s awful.”
“It’s ridiculous. He means well but he’s not much help when you need it.”
“Again, you should tell him that.”
“I’m sure I have,” said Jean. “You can’t change a bad listener with a single criticism. I just wish I didn’t have to go over it all in my head every day. It’s changing me.”
“Do you write it down?” asked Dr. Wood.
“I write everything down. It doesn’t get it out of my head.”
“Maybe next time you hear it start to gurgle and sputter you can just -”
“Gurgle and sputter!” Jean laughed. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Like a coffee machine,” said Dr. Wood. “When a heavy thought is bubbling up, I find it helps to -”
“No,” said Jean. “I don’t know what you mean about a coffee machine.”
“Well, what would you compare it to?”
“Compare what to?”
“The sound of a heavy thought bubbling up.”
Jean fell silent for a moment. “The sound?”
“The little warning sound, you know?”
“No,” said Jean. “Are you saying your thoughts make noises?”
Now Dr. Wood fell silent. “Are you saying yours don’t?”
“No one’s thoughts make noises, Dr. Wood.”
“Oh, you misunderstand me. I don’t mean we can hear each other’s thoughts. Ha! That would be horrible.”
“No, no.” Jean shook her head. “I knew what you meant. You’re hearing your own brain making noise?”
“Well it’s not working in silence, Jean,” Dr. Wood laughed. “And my ears are right there.”
“Are you…” Jean took a deep breath. “Can you describe the sounds to me?”
“They’re the same sounds you hear.”
“Again, I don’t hear anything.”
“No sloshing? No popping?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Jean,” said Dr. Wood. “You’re a brilliant young woman. I would think your brain was louder than most people’s.”
“No, no people’s brains are loud! Didn’t you go to school for this?”
“I’m not a neurologist.”
“Have you spoken to one?”
Dr, Wood had his phone out. “This is silly. How would you look this up? ‘Brain sounds’? ‘Thought sounds’?”
Jean held her head. “I think I should go.”
“You really don’t hear anything?”
“No one hears anything!” said Jean. “We need to move past that and establish that you’re hallucinating.”
“What?”
“I’m not trying to be mean.”
“This is a lot to process.” Dr. Wood leaned closer. “Will you speak up?”